Combating Cyber-Bullying

Lots of adults today can remember being bullied as children. Years later, the sting of an unkind comment or others’ derisive laughter still hurts. But imagine that the witnesses to one’s shame were not limited to those within earshot of the slight. What if hundreds, thousands, or even millions of people, most of them strangers, could see what happened? And what if they could participate in the taunting? Cyber-bullying amplifies bullying to unimaginable levels, making its victims’ lives nearly unbearable.

And who better to talk about the topic of online humiliation that self-described “Patient Zero” Monica Lewinsky? Lewinsky’s scandal was a perfect storm in many ways: It was the most salacious political drama our country has ever experienced, and it happened just as internet technology was becoming ubiquitous. Instead of simply discussing her story among themselves after reading about her in the paper, people around the world could post comments about her for all to see.

Years later, Lewinsky is back in the spotlight, this time by choice. She is campaigning for a more compassionate online community, and she shares some excellent advice in a recent talk . Here are some of her key points, along with some of our own suggestions for parents struggling to help their children navigate these uncharted waters:

• Parents of young children should do what they can to supervise kids’ time online. Consider allowing kids to go online only on a desktop computer in a public place (e.g. the kitchen) whose screen faces the room, not a wall. Stop by often to talk with them about what they’re viewing and participating in. This can be an excellent opportunity to teach kids about dangerous online behavior, like connecting with strangers. 
• Parents who are more internet-savvy than their kids (and we know there are fewer and fewer of those out there) should be sure that they are connected with their little ones on any online network accounts their kids have. Whether it’s Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, following your kids will serve two purposes: First, it will make them think twice about what they post, and second, it will give adults opportunities to talk with kids about what kind of posts they may consider appropriate for public knowledge. (“What do you think could happen if you share your address in your online profile?” “Do you think someone might misinterpret that picture if they don’t have any context?”)

Of course, parents can’t, and shouldn’t, monitor every facet of their kids’ online lives, especially as they get older. Instead, try to help kids see the people at the center of scandals as just that: people.

• ·Avoid talking excitedly about celebrity scandals. Instead of watching shows dedicated to gossip, passing judgment in kids’ hearing about the decisions of perfect strangers, or picking up tabloids, adults should model compassion. Pointing out how embarrassed the subject of a shocking headline must be enforces their humanity and shows kids how to be empathetic. Comment that you’re certainly glad none of your mistakes were shared with the world. 
• Lewinsky urges people to be “up-standers” instead of merely bystanders. Post positive, supportive comments, and make sure kids know you’re doing it. Compassionate responses can mean a lot to victims of online bullying, and your empathy can change the tone of an online thread. And report cyber-bullying when outlets have those options.

Lewinsky says, “We talk a lot about our right to freedom of expression, but we need to talk more about our responsibility to freedom of expression.” Help young people understand that the internet gives them great power, and along with power comes responsibility.

Books to Teach Social Skills

The Importance of Building Social Understanding

Developing social skills is a critical part of child development. However, it can be complicated to explain to students the importance and relevance of different behavior modifications in an engaging, meaningful way. As a classroom teacher, I often relied heavily on creative books to help set the stage and open a dialogue with students about behavior and behavior management. The following are a sampling of books that tackle multiple social areas that can be hard to explain to students. In my classroom, I always read social development stories in a whole class setting, and then engaged in a teacher directed discussion about the lesson behind each tale. Furthermore, having a framework of a story can be beneficial as a reference when giving students directives about the behaviors. For example, the story Decibella and her 6-inch Voice introduces a five-point voice scale to students, so often when I wanted to temper the vocal volume of student I would ask them where their voice was on the Decibella scale, and follow that prompt up with where it should be. It was a strong tool in helping manage the classroom environment, while also promoting behavioral self-monitoring in my students.

Book Recommendations

The Way I Feel by Janan Cain

Skill taught: Understanding and Expressing Emotions

Grades: Preschool through Third Grade

Summary: An excellent book, with beautiful illustrations to teach students about complex emotions such as pride, fear, pain, curiosity, anger and disappointment. The story also gives students a way to articulate the emotions they are feeling, and an understanding how one might act when feeling a particular way. The text uses bias-free language and vocabulary to give students a framework to express their feelings.

The Way I Act by Steve Metzger and Janan Cain

Skill taught: Behavior Management

Grades: Preschool through Fifth Grade

Summary: An accompaniment to The Way I Feel, this book explains and details character traits such as compassion, curiosity, capability and bravery. The story uses beautiful illustrations and verse to describe behavior in different contexts and how different types of children act differently. Furthermore, the text defines new vocabulary describing behavior in a judgment-free way, and gives students a new wealth of language to describe their own actions. 

 
My Mouth is a Volcano by Julia Cook and Carrie Hartman
Skill taught: Managing thoughts and words without interrupting

Grades: Preschool and up

Summary: An award winning book created to teach children about controlling their thoughts and expressing their ideas at an appropriate time. The book is written in friendly, witty verse that is accompanied by beautifully illustrated imagery. The story provides teachers, parents and interventionists a fun way to teach students to listen to others and wait their turn to speak. 

Decibella and her 6-inch Voice by Julia Cook and Anita De Falla

Skill taught: Listening and Communication

Grades: Kindergarten through third grade

Summary: A colorfully illustrated and thoughtfully written story about a girl who learns to use and her adjust her voice to communicate with confidence. This story teacher students about the five voice volumes, and how one must adjust their levels for different settings. The story uses humor to teach students effective communication techniques, and also provides a section of tips for parents and teachers. 

Personal Space Camp by Julia Cook and Carrie Hartman

Skill taught: Respecting personal Space

Grades: Preschool and up

Summary: An exceptional book that uses humor to teach children about respecting and maintaining personal space in a way that is witty and engaging.

Team Work Isn’t My Thing, and I Don’t Like to Share by Julia Cook
Skill taught: Sharing and Teamwork

Grades: Kindergarten and up

Summary: A great team building book that uses humor to teach students the value of working together and sharing their resources. This book is part of Ms. Cook’s Best Me I Can Be! collection, which includes many other titles that are also worth exploring. The additional titles cover topics such as peer pressure, making friends, asking for help and receiving feedback.

Study Suggests Reading Literary Fiction Can Improve Empathy

Worried that your favorite little bookworm might be missing out on critical development of social skills? A recent study from The New School just may put your mind at ease. The surprising results of this research indicate that reading literary fiction improves theory of mind, the understanding of complex social relationships. Another term for this is empathy.

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In the study, participants were asked to spend just a few minutes reading an excerpt from one of three types of text: genre fiction, literary fiction, or non-fiction. (Keep reading for an explanation of what these terms mean.) A quarter of the group served as the control and was not given a reading assignment. After reading, or not reading, subjects took computerized tests that measure people’s ability to make inferences about another person’s emotions, expectations, or beliefs in given scenarios. The verdict: readers of literary fiction were better able to identify the feelings and thoughts of other people accurately than any of the other groups. The researchers indicated surprise that a mere three to five minutes would yield such clear-cut findings, though of course the longevity of these improvements has not yet been examined.

A word about the types of texts: Most people are comfortable distinguishing between fiction and non-fiction, but the line between genre fiction and literary fiction is considerably more blurred. Although the difference between the two can be subjective, we’ll share a few tips for telling one from the other. Genre fiction, also known as popular fiction, often falls into clear-cut categories. Romance, fantasy, detective novels, and thrillers are some examples. While it’s easy to pigeonhole Danielle Steele, however, some other authors offer more of a challenge. Take Ender’s Game. On the surface, this futuristic, sci-fi novel seems a dead-ringer for genre fiction. But readers won’t get more than a few pages in before discovering that the writing is excellent and the characters and themes are intricately and expertly wrought.

Remember that literary fiction requires work on the part of the reader. Authors of literary fiction tend to show, not tell, leaving the interpretation largely up to the reader. (It is suspected that this is the very trait that lead subjects to demonstrate better theory of mind in The New School’s study.) Ever had a debate about what the author was really saying in a book? Chances are you were talking about a piece of literary fiction. Did it win a Pulitzer/Nobel/ National Book/Man Booker (adults) or Newberry/Geisel/Printz (young people) award? Definitely literary fiction. Think of genre fiction as one of those movies people see just for the special effects, even though the acting and/or storyline is somewhat, uh, uninspired. This mind candy is fun, easy to follow, and quickly forgettable. Literary fiction offers more than meets the eye and tends to stay with you.

The idea that literary fiction seems to heighten people’s ability to empathize with others raises some interesting questions. Many reading teachers, rightfully, are happy to see kids reading anything, especially struggling readers. If Gossip Girl will get a child hooked, she’ll be practicing decoding and building fluency every bit as much as if she were reading Sense and Sensibility. (Exposure to valuable vocabulary is another matter…) As you now know, Gossip Girl falls solidly into the category of genre fiction, while Sense and Sensibility is a thoroughly literary piece of fiction. But should teachers be a bit wary of popular fiction now, fearing for students’ emotional aptitude? Educators familiar with the Common Core Curriculum will find that the study raises another interesting question: If the CCC encourages teachers to weight class readings heavily in favor of informative non-fiction texts, will we see a nationwide decline in empathy as a result?

One small study, of course, should not be enough to send educators and parents abandoning everything they know about reading. But it might be a good idea to break up your child’s R.L. Stine binge with A Wrinkle in Time, The Giver, or Kira-Kira.